Thursday, April 21, 2011


Its been 7 months since my last post. I will also mention that its been a very tumultuous 7 months. There has been a lot of travel and change. In any case I am happy I have my freedom back even though I have had to suffer achieving its return. I have also had my fare share of rumors circulating, distortions of truth to what really happened in Germany and why I said goodbye after 5 long years there. It takes a lot of strength to remain calm and say nothing when I have heard some of the things that are being said around the world. One starts to evaluate the intelligence of those who started the stone throwing, particularly those whom live in a frail glass house that would come shattering down if I come close to even opening my mouth about the truth & my untold side of the story. Anyways the sun is shinning and in the end the truth all ways come free, its just a matter of time. At least I have had the comfort in my own peace of mind. I made some of the most important friendships of my life in Germany. It was an incredible chapter of my life and I will never forget it. I could write a best seller about it if I had the time and the nerve. If I could change anything about the way I left Germany, I could honestly say I wished I could have had even more strength to cope with what I have had to suppress inside of my self, to protect the very ground in which the a certain individual stands on to keep the peace in the lives of those around him. Some people are hard to understand, Ignorance may be bliss and god knows its short lived. The joys of life come from finding the comfort in your own personal constitution and the relationship with self integrity and unconditional love and appreciation for those around you. Until one trusts them self how can he lead another and oh how many have been lead down a garden path to find a sandy desert.
Life is short, amazing and its not a rehearsal. And I don't have time to be treaded like a dog. And I had every right to stand up for my self and say stop, no more. I respect my self more than that.

I think my last post was regarding my exhibition RAW, that was a big success and a very special and emotional experience. I have been very hesitant to post photos from the evening or blog much about the show. I think its nice to saver something from the web, somehow it makes it more exclusive. What I can say is that about 350 people rocked up to the show, People I know, many I didn't. It felt like a five hour feeding frenzy of my photos and personal life. Many cried, many smiled, but most of all I think that every one that attended walked away with something very special. It was the best farewell party I could have asked for even though many people didn't realize thats what it was. It was the best way I knew how to pay tribute to my friends and life over my German years.

Many of you may not have know that RAW was hosted in my house in Hamburg. It was the family home of my dear late flatmate, Brigitta Von Otting. I lived there for the past five years and loved every minuet of it. After she passed away in March 2010 her daughter Lili & I lived there till we had to leave at the end of November last year. It took us both about 3 months to sought out a huge home full of loved things, trinkets and furniture. The task was to distribute through the family network. Its was a delicate, painful and complex task. At the end of it there was Lili and I in a massive home that was empty of love other than our individual memories of what it once was and the strong love we have for each other. It was an empty end. One could even say that it was a new being and one that I my self didn't want.

One day, shortly after I quit my job I was sitting on the floor in the living room feeling the emptiness around me. All of a sudden, it came to me. I thought of the happiest ending possible. I should paint the house white and throw a show, so thats what I did. I called it "Raw" because that what it was on so many levels, just Raw. Anyways, it was amazing and I am so glad I did it. I was also proud to support the HIV and Aids foundation on the evening but wished more people put there hand in there pocket to support the cause. Grateful for those who did. HIV and Aids has far from gone away, its just less visible. I am looking forward to exhibit again in the coming years, maybe even sooner. Who knows.

I am currently living in Paris and enjoying the spring, meeting new people and trying new things. Working with new stylists and crews. Its really good for me here. Its such a diferant sensibility. Its also great to be out of the "type cast" mode photographer I was becoming in Germany. In other words, its great to be shooting women again and getting support from some amazing in people in London, New York and Paris. In a way it makes me laugh now when I look at what I have had to put up with for so long and the lack of support I was given in Germany as a female photographer, constantly hearing that I cant shoot women but knowing I am dam well can. Somehow I will enjoy as those people will sink into the chairs and be forced to swallow there there vicious words. Its hard not to enjoy life's natural poetry.

I am working on many different projects as usual. Cant say much yet. I will try and use my blog a little more now that my life is almost returning to normal. Forgive my spelling, its never been and never will be my strongest point. I am super dyslectic and creative. If I can live with it I am sure you guys can. I am really looking forward to this year unfolding spelling mistakes included.

One of the most upsetting things for me, due to the chaos in my own life, has been to put my Africa project on ice. I am extremely frustrated about it as its the most important work I am doing. Even though its non profit. I with all my heart cant wait to pick the project up again and return to Africa. Its such important work to me. And I will promise to make enough money to devote more time on the project.. If only money grew on trees.

Any way, there is 7 months to catch up on. I have so much to expel and reform in to creativity. I think it will be an interesting time and I cant wait to let it flow freely. There is so much to get off my chest. So many new things, feelings happening.

Above is a shot from a shoot last weekend. She is a fabulous girl from Nathalie Models, and had star written all over her. She is Miss Kazakistan, her name is Zhanna. I loved her.