Monday, April 12, 2010

Every end brings a new beginning.

Tonight I feel like I have so much to say and so many things on my mind that I probably shouldn't write anything at all. On one hand I am completely exhausted yet on the other I have the drive to push on. I never do what I should do but rather follow my heart, so here I go again.

This period is one of the most significant of my life. I hope to write about my years in Germany one day but thats more of a book than a blog.......

In the last days it has almost been decided that my flat mate and I will walk away from our home and the many amazing memories we have all had here. I have lived with Lili and her mum Mrs O for the last four years. Its been an incredibly important place for me after 13 years traveling around the world and being away from my own family and loved ones. Mrs O was a lot of special things too me. The last weeks have felt empty now that she has gone. I have such quiet and hollow moments that at times its left me quite frozen.

The daily transformation she went through over the last 13 months was perhaps one of the most horrific and painful things I have ever seen. However the thing that overrides everything is that she grow stronger and wiser every day. We all have somehow.

For me this time where I have no other choice but to walk away form the life I am so comfortable in will not be easy. I will miss my German family terribly. Oddly enough I dont fear it. But I am gathering all the love and joy that has been around the three of us in the last years and getting ready to take it with me. Perhaps its a part of my duty in life to pass on what lili and Brigitta gave to me.